Scattered

This is my first full week off of school and I am nothing but scattered. Being a teacher is such a bi-polar existence - for months at a time you live according to strict time-schedules filled with tons of people. Your life is all about "output." At the end, there's this mad rush of finals, my office is jammed with last minute projects and papers...then, Poof! and it's all over and I'm at home, with stacks of undone tasks, unread books, unfinished images...lots of "un." 

There's a sense of frustration that "at my age" I should be past a whole lot of things that still weigh me down. So, it's a struggle. I'm grateful for the time off. I'm grateful that I have meaningful work. I'm grateful that I have resources. But I'm tired of that cyclical sense...that it all circles back around. That so often I find myself back at the same starting point. Maybe that's natural, but I want more from myself than that feeling. 

This is supposed to be a blog on positive things right? I know...

So, my positive take on this - probably to just "knock it off" that it's okay to laze around for a few days - even a week - even more than that if possible! Too much puritan work-ethic. One of the beliefs that have stayed with me from my Buddhist readings is that we create much of our own suffering through attachment and desire. That awareness of the moment, living in the moment with acceptance can preclude much suffering. Isn't that the goal of meditation? To stop the chatter. To stop the fear of unstructured time. To stop the fear...probably just in general. Or maybe to accept it and feel it - knowing that we can survive it. 

p.s. yes, I realize I said in my previous post that I was taking off for the summer...well I felt like posting, so I did! No rules for me!

Creativity and Meditation

When I was younger, I had a fear of meditation. Not only was I sure that it was completely boring ("you sit...you just sit?") but I had also heard a rumour that it reduced creativity. At the time the popular thing was TM, Transcendental Meditation, which is where you meditate to a mantra or specific sound, and some of its first practitioners were a bit holier than thou...so I wasn't too enamoured of the concept.  It's amazing to me now, how long this prejudice stayed with me, and really stopped me from developing an interesting tool. 

I also think part of my hesitation came out of a (false) idea about what creativity is and how it functions. That creativity was about letting one's brain bounce around, and any attempt to control the process would kill the poor thing. This notion still exists in popular culture...one example would be our continued belief in brainstorming. Turns out that classic brainstorming, where a group gathers together and just puts out as many ideas as possible, all the while making sure that there are no judgements of any kind, just isn't a very effective creative activity. While it may be a good process for an individual to practice, it's not very effective as a group endeavour. 

Getting back to meditation...I would say my more recent experience with it, and recent scientific studies show, it's actually the opposite of my previous beliefs. There are many kinds of creativity and many types of meditation. If we look at the generation of new ideas (divergent thinking) - then science is showing that "open monitoring" meditation is an effective tool. During this type of meditation you  remain open to any thoughts or sensations, but you don't focus on them. You're aware of how you feel, you're aware of sounds...but you don't invest in them. You see the "road" but you don't go down it. Studies show that practicing this type of meditation for as little as 20 minutes a day helps promote divergent thinking, which can be an important part of the creative process. 

For me, one of the additional benefits is that it quiets the chatter and worry that goes on in my mind and allows me to focus more deeply. If you think of your mind as the surface of a pond, meditation makes that surface just a little bit more resilient...makes the splashes of events and worry just a little less disturbing so the waves aren't quite as strong. 

It also gives me a greater sense of perspective which makes me feel a little stronger internally. Being an artist means you're often going out on a limb...trying to create a new vision...and part of that process is having faith in your own creative space. The ability to have a more solid core can give you greater faith in your ideas...which of course, can mean you pursue them with more conviction. 

A very good example of a meditation convert is the director David Lynch. Through his Foundation for Consciousness-based Education and World Peace he's bringing the power of meditation to troubled communities throughout the world. Here's a link to an interesting talk he gave about meditation,  his creative process, bliss and how his film-making experience has changed through this practice. 

Social Media and Creativity

This weekend I decided to take a digital holiday - actually it was more of a social media holiday. I'd been consumed with, or perhaps by, my electronics and had a feeling it might not be the best thing for me. 

Checking my blog stats, email, FB, Instagram - constantly checking to see what connections the world was sending me - it seemed like an increasing tug at the corners of my brain. It was a good thing to go cold turkey - although in full disclosure I did use my cell phone camera. But other than that - no Internet use at all.  

What did I learn? Well...that I'd developed a nervous twitch - remember the Sirens call to Ulysses? My devices were calling to me during that day, however since nature abhors a vacuum I found myself turning to other activities instead. 

Studies are showing that social media can negatively impact your feelings of well being - but how does it impact your levels of creativity? BTW... I fully realize the irony of this post and just to go entirely "old school" I decided to write this one by hand (in it's original form) - apparently different parts of the brain are activated by the physical movement/use of the body and I wanted to see if there would be a difference. 

For whatever reason, that night I fell asleep early and the next morning I woke with my brain percolating ideas again...coincidence...not sure. During that "free" day, it was disconcerting to see how many times my restless brain tried to reach for my phone or how often I wanted to interrupt what I was doing to post a cool new image. Does this mean that social media is bad or harms creativity by breaking into your consciousness? I don't know, and strangely enough, I don't know if it's important. What is important, is an awareness of its impact and a willingness to experiment in going without. 

I don't believe in crying over change, that's not a good goal - change is inevitable and should be a fundamental part of life and our deepest nature. It's an odd quirk that we seem to both need and fear change at the same time. Anyway, it's a futile game to fight change - but that doesn't mean we can't evaluate how we work/use it in our lives. 

So, in an experiment with creativity I ask that you try a social media free day. Disconnect from the virtual world for a day and see what happens...you might find yourself, like me, the next morning - writing down ideas and seeing life from a little bit of a different perspective. Or, if social media isn't your gig, it may be something else. Find another habit or rut you've fallen into...tv...talk radio...shopping...whatever it is, try stepping back a day and evaluating life on the other side.

What's Haunting You?

This morning my husband had a great way of describing a common experience "I've got this unresolved problem at work and it's really haunting me."  I realized that I completely understood what he was talking about and it was a great way of describing a very common experience.  Another interesting way to think about it is "you're always meditating." Whatever's on your mind is what you're spending one of your most valuable resources on - your subconscious. It's a powerful tool that can help you become more creative if you stop clogging it with crap. People who accomplish a lot, do so by narrowing their focus to the areas they feel are important.  It takes a certain amount of self-confidence and self-esteem to defend that mental resource. 

So, I ask you, what's haunting you and how do you go about changing it? How do you make sure you're using that energy building your creative output as opposed to frittering it away on the worries that follow us around?

A good first step is becoming conscious of what's happening. By consciously realizing you're spending your time haunted by something other than creative issues, you move closer to changing that dynamic. 

Decide what you will be thinking about, what's going to be "haunting" you. There's an urgency to negative problems that probably has evolutionary roots, as in "Oh, look there's a bear coming, better deal with it." But too often we're ruminating on imagined consequences and travails...nothing that moves us forward. So "tell" your mind what you'd like to be meditating on. 

Think about looking for patterns of interest in your own life. As a kid I was obsessed with mythology and stories...all while being dragged to art museums by my art historian mother.  I was always interested in an alternative reality - under the life we think we know...there's this entire other world. I don't think we make art out of a vacuum - I think there are always threads in our early lives. I'm not sure how these early experiences and passions will play themselves out as visual images - but I'm pretty sure that focusing on them will set me on a path to make images that feel personal and relevant for me. 

So, consider these three recommendations as steps to set you on the path to becoming a more effective, creative and personal artist: 

1. Recognize the problem - we are always meditating - we are always being haunted...so the question is  What do you want to spend that energy on?

2. Start to define your goals - I know it sounds boring and lacks the magic of pure creativity - but I don't actually think creativity is magic - it's more like slow cooking - you put in the ingredients - give it some time and magic happens when you allow the items to marinate, to evolve, which they will if you have faith in the process. The more you experience this magic, the more faith you'll have in it.

3. Going back. Mining your own experiences. What did you obsess about? What were your passions as a kid - those intense experiences that imprinted on your psyche? There's often a thread of authenticity in the experiences we have as kids - and "reviving" that intensity may put you back to that open child-like mindset.

Speaking of what's haunting me - you may be aware that Photography is one of the programs that could be cut due to budget deficits this year. In response our students in the LBCC Photo Program posted this video on the program and why it should be saved. Please feel free to repost.

The best gift

This past year I made a private goal to really reconnect to my students in a meaningful way. It's so easy as a teacher to let all the administrative "stuff" get to you - to get in the way of why you took the job in the first place. It's easy to get absorbed into a vortex of emails and committees. This year, my goal was to leave that behind each time I walked through the classroom door. I can honestly say, that this year has been one of my most rewarding.

A week ago, as I was plowing through the stack of paperwork in my box, I came across this book - it was a gift from a student with the lovely quote below. It immediately made me stop, took me out of my anxiety and I took a moment to smile. That smile carried me through the rest of the day and is with me now as I remember that feeling.

"What is the way to look at a flower so that I can make the most of it for my art?" "We should master the art of stopping in order to really be with our friend and with the flower."

Thich Nhat Hanh. from his book Peace is Every Step, The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life.

What I especially loved, was that the book was her copy, it had her marks and felt used and loved. Too often we think we need to give something new - but it was the sense of use and history that made this gift truly special.

Meditations on work

Hardly anyone sweeps their own driveway anymore. I do, but it's probably because we're cheap. At this time of year there's more work because we planted a Jacaranda 15 years ago. Every time I sweep I'm reminded of my neighbor across the street, Elizabeth, who warned me not to plant this tree - "they're too messy, too much work, get rid of it now."

When we first moved to this block, Elizabeth was in her 90's and smoked like a chimney. Every day she took 2 long walks with Missy, a dog she'd found abandoned in an alley. You could tell she'd had a hard life. She'd raised 3 children on her own in post-war Germany, pulling a pram up five floors each day. I didn't ask about her politics.

Over the years she'd slowly covered every inch of the property with concrete. The front "yard" reminded me of a miniature golf course...I was dying to play through. In the backyard, she had about 50 pinwheels and green concrete. On one side of her was Alan, a very uptight jeweler who complained about the pinwheel noise. There've been sightings of him sneaking in to oil the pinwheels. On the other side was Hap, an old guy who peed off his front porch on a regular basis.

Anyway, she was right, that Jacaranda is messy as hell, but I still love watching the purple cloud-like flowers rain down on my newly swept sidewalk.

I think there's a line in the sand somewhere - where we decide if we're going to keep sweeping, or are we going to just cover everything in concrete.